I was thinking - where to start so decided to make a list of all i wished I knew earlier or some other people should have known (duh ;) ). And so, in my opinion, until I change it:
1. You cannot have known in advance. In retrospect it all seems very obvious, you might feel like a fool for not realizing it earlier, telling yourself "I should have known better", "I should have listened"... Guess what, you didn't know better. You did your best though, with the situation you were in, with the way you have felt, with what you knew, what you did was the best possible choice. It might not have ended so good, but you could not have known in advance. As Daniel Kahneman said "The mistake appears obvious, but it is just a hindsight. You could not have known in advance". And he won a noble prize, he must know.
2. If you had an open wound would you take a knife and see how much deeper you can make it? Don't do that with emotional ones too.
Expanation doesn't seem necessary, so I leave it at this:
Expanation doesn't seem necessary, so I leave it at this:
You wouldn't get a cut on your arm and decide, "Oh, I know! I'm going to take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it."
12:51
But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.Because we don't prioritize our psychological health. We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety, that failures and rejections hurt more and it takes longer to recover from them. So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive your self-esteem, not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp. When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend. We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them.
Guy Winch, "Emotional First Aid" - Book and also TED talk.
12:51
But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.Because we don't prioritize our psychological health. We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety, that failures and rejections hurt more and it takes longer to recover from them. So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive your self-esteem, not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp. When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend. We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them.
Guy Winch, "Emotional First Aid" - Book and also TED talk.
So:
3. Things might seem unchangable, still they can change in an instant. If you feel stuck in a rut, and not one that you particularly like, it might seem as this is going to be like this forever. However, often thing change and turn out as you wanted them. And keeping calm about things usually help as well.
4. Another lesson from Daniel Kahneman - "Nothing in life is as important as you think it is when you are thinking of it. " So, relax.That exam? Not that important, really. That presentation? Also. That fight ? Ditto. Life goes on. And things fix themselves. Which brings me to:
5. Life goes on and thing fix themselves. That thing you were worried about 5 year ago? 10 years ago? Can you remember what was it? Was it that important? Few things are. For the rest - keep calm and carry on.
6. Life does not need to be as in fairy tales. Fairy tales teach us that before the prince and princes get together they need to conquered a number of obstacle and only then they can leave happily ever after. Or they saw each other and they fell in love from first sight and that was it. Neither need to be the case. It will happen as it happens
7. Life does not need to be as you imagined it. You imagined working as this or that? Living in house not too far away from home? Marrying somebody like that guy in third grade as you used to like? Newsflash: The person you marry might be from a different race. You might live in a place far away ( might be Bali) and working in a sector you never though of before. And that might make you very very happy. Don't get into the way of live making you happy only because you didn't imagine it like this. It might be better than what you imagined.
8. Be yourself. Funnily enough when I am myself doing my own thing people tell me that I am funny or cute or interesting... But then somehow I forget and I stop doing my thing again scared that... that who knows what. Trying to fit in probably. However, why try to fit in if you are born to stand out, right? Besides being wired is not always bad... it can be good weird too. And you are so normal and like everybody else doesn't sounds like much of a compliment, does it?
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8. Tell people how you feel. If they are deaf you would not be mad at them for not hearing; don't be mad at them for not feeling what you feel. Not everybody can.
9. Ask directly for what you want
10. Nobody asked you to hold the fucking door.
11. Ne stavai domakinq poem
12. Write down your thoughts and what you are thankful for. A lot of things you will forget.
13. If you a wondering too much take a decision. Whatever decision. It is better than being stuck. Neither mistake is too big.
14.* Life is too short to live with someone who is mad at you. Don't be mad with yourself.
15. Leave the stupid phone and listen to me.
16. If a person says they are an asshole, believe them.
17. The test of values - cheatinging Lina, car crash
17. The test of values - cheatinging Lina, car crash
18. It's going to be okey. But you need to do stuff. The burning plate shows you to remove your hand, the bad situation shows you to remove yourself from it, to do stuff to change it. Subscribe t classes, to gym, to an exam, go out, get busy, change the situations.
19. Read "Not without my daughter". If she can go through that and move on then current troubles should not be e problem really.
20. I might express myself and he might not believe me. On the other hand people usually believe what they want to believe so may be he will believe me even if i do not express myself that well. Either way, as Terry Pratchett said "we only have 300 solders and we don't know how many they will send against us. On the other hand we don't know how many they will send against us so 300 might be just enough".
21. - I don't feel you completely understand me! I cannot express myself very well.
- 93% percent of all communication is non verblal; I understand more than you think - Dr. Phil
21. - I don't feel you completely understand me! I cannot express myself very well.
- 93% percent of all communication is non verblal; I understand more than you think - Dr. Phil
